Strange.... some times i hate the expectation people have of me .. and some times that is what keeps me going...
I feel if there was no one who needs me i would lose my self worth. So does that mean my worth is limited to how much people need me ? That can not be true !
and no matter how hard I try to convince my self that it is I who needs me the most and I am worth as much as I think I am it does not seem to help.
what is it after all.....
- Is it what people think of me ?
- Is it what i think of my self ?
- Is it what or how much i have achieved ?
....is it not a combination of events ......people .......moments around me.. and if that is what life is meant of....than that should define the worth of life and hence individuals ....... right ?
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
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Subconsciously, it may be important, but on the surface it does not bother me as to who needs me, what bothers me more is "Who i need" time and again i have ventured to distance myself when dependencies grow and then again it does not come naturally.
well so many contradictions...
It nearly feels like I have trained my self to distance when dependencies grow...more to protect my self than any thing else. But I am compelled to think that by doing this am I not manipulating my own emotions and how far is it correct to do so... and occasionally I have tried not holding back and more often than not I have felt it is worth the pain.....
We as human beings are conditioned from the beginning, beginning of our life when we are not even an embrayo that.. Man is a social animal... This conditioning is so strong and set in that its very diffecult to stay without expecting from people around you or the vice versa.. its up to us how far we take our expectations... We dont realise but we have expectations even from a stranger.. and there behaviour can effect us.. for eg.. while on road we expect others to drive sensibly... If a man doesnt we tend to react... yes such things dont stay in our mind for long as we maynot meet tht person again.. but the people whom we call our friends.... are there around us all the time either physically or in our mind.. so in such cases if expectations are not met.. it hurts n is difficult to forget...
and such fulfillment of expectations gives us the security of our worth in others eyes.... so its completely upto us to fix tht outer limit of our expectation from a person.....
Assessment of Worth is also being useful... sometimes just being there is not enough u got to do something.. yes we all need to feel worthy as its an extention of our being but how, when is all upto us............
The crime is to believe that we are made to understand. If i have to quote Einstien " Problems created by thoughts at a level cannot be resolved by solutions thought about at the same level"..
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